Know My Heart
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! 2You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. (Psalm 139:1-4)
Have you ever done something you are not proud of? "Where do I start?" is my answer to that question. What causes that? Sin is the short answer, but sometimes I wanted an explanation to justify my actions before men. I forget the Augustinian prayer at times, "Lord, deliver me from my lust to justify myself."
"Ralphie" in "A Christmas Story," so desperate to get a BB gun, goes to no uncertain lengths to secure his prized Christmas gift. The funniest scene (one of the funnier scenes I should say) is when he fires the gun, hits the target he's placed on a piece of metal which ricochets and hits him close to his eye. Because of the stern warning of "you'll shoot your eye out," and because he's crushed his glasses in the process, he quickly comes up with an alibi of an icicle falling, hitting near his eye, and it works! Mom takes it hook, line and sinker, and dad is relaxed, reading his sports section as his younger brother sleeps in the carnage of post-Christmas unwrapped gifts.
David, in his psalm today, tells us that God knows. He knows my sins that grievously harm others. God knows the what (actions) and the why (motive) which is the scariest aspect. He knows what I did and what was on my heart to decide to do just that. God is all-knowing or omniscient. Our eternal, unchanging, all-powerful God is also all-knowing.
He cannot be misled. He knows our sin in full. Our only choice is to confess to Him, seek His forgiveness obtained in full by the price paid by His Son, and forgive those who trespass against us. In short, I gird my loins like a man and take it to God who already knows what I did, confessing in full my sin, my motive, and seeking His forgiveness.
Pray with me: God, forgive me, a poor, miserable sinner. My only hope is found in your mercy, love and forgiveness. Deliver me from my lust to justify myself, my actions, and my thoughts. In Christ's name, Amen.